Throw me a pigeon on a stick - I need something to dip in this fermented sheep's penis broth.
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A broken (but alive) crab waits to be sold. |
At the table to my left, a young boy is gnawing on ducks' toes while sparrows' legs dangle from his younger sister's mouth. Their parents have a mélange of ligaments and tendons before them. The monkey's forehead, 'old lady's lung' and 'jellied beef without sexual life' are all recommended dishes in this joint.
At the table to my right, a man is eating dumplings injected with the dreams of X-Factor contestants, rice fragranced with Japanese memories and a side serving of head cheese and yak veins. His lady friend is soaking her taste buds with a bowl of soup made using tears of sad horses.
Me? I've just polished off a sea cucumber and fried dove sandwich. I snuck a few quail eggs (cooked in the urine of Disney's five most popular characters) in my bag for later.
Not really. All of that was just made up stuff.
But the food in China really does stretch the imagination. Admittedly, a lot of the things I've eaten I simply haven't been unidentified. Obscure animal parts, some of which I suspect haven't even been named by the appropriate science yet, travel incognito in broths and stocks. Here, buns and dumplings are the culinary equivalent of unsuspecting vehicles carrying illegal immigrants across borders. My intestine, as I write, is digesting half the animal kingdom.
The menus in the local restaurants here, if you are lucky, have pictures of the available dishes, and there's little else to go on (unless you have the patience to learn Mandarin as you go, which is just as torturous for the restaurant staff as it is for the foreigner).
As well as being hugely varied, meals here are cheap, made with quality ingredients, and cooked with expertise.
I've spent a week here so far, which is longer than I ever anticipated. China is throwing its officialdom right at my face which is causing a visa-based headache. In three weeks time I will be taking a tour of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea, to you and I - more about that later), which means I will be leaving the country and re-entering after the tour. To do this I must hold a double-entry visa, rather than the single-entry visa I am currently traveling with. As I can't convert the visa, I have the option of either leaving the country beforehand and obtaining a new double-entry visa, or winging it and seeing what happens when I leave North Korea. The latter doesn't appeal so much, so I'm going to Hong Kong.
So... I head to Shanghai Central Railway Station to get a ticket for the 21 hour train journey south, only to be told by a girl in the ticket office that there are no tickets available until the 27th August. That's TWO WEEKS away! I need to get to Hong Kong quicker than that. I give her a doleful look and ask her if there's any way I can get to Hong Kong before that date. The reply - "No" - is delivered from an inscrutable face, her tone suggesting: "Your travel needs, to me, mean so little that to offer any sympathy at all would be utter hypocrisy - I hope you can see this from my poker face. I hate my job, so it's best you go away now."
I went away and stroked my beard a bit, thumbing through my copy of Lonely Planet to look for alternative routes to Hong Kong. The thumbing was aggressive - I was a little frustrated; why is China making me leave the country to get a different visa but at the same time apparently making it nigh on impossible to leave the country? What is China playing at? I thought about the question but couldn't answer it. I went back to the ticket counter and asked for a ticket to Guanzhou - a city just north of the Hong Kong border. "You must book within three days of travel for this train, sir." I gave her a lovely smile and thanked her for her help. Through her job with the Chinese rail network, this poor girl peddles disappointment all day.
My problem was that I had sent my camera off to be repaired by Shanghai's Canon Service Centre (which, remarkably, did the job for free) and I didn't know how long it would take.
Anyhow, at the risk of writing something so boring that the internet may break, I eventually got my ticket to Guanzhou and my camera came back fixed up.
[Sidenote: To post this, I have had to subscribe to (and pay for) a 'virtual private network' which disguises my location as being outside China. I have then had to email the post using Hotmail. As far as hullabaloos go, this must be one of the biggest.]
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| Pudong skyline. |